We are halfway through June, and I've come to the realization that I haven't read a single book to celebrate Pride Month. Granted, I try to read diverse works from a variety of authors all year long, but the absence of a book by a member of the very community I'm a part of is an egregious oversight on my part. Enter Just by Looking at Him by Ryan O'Connell. The cover of this one caught my eye at my local library, and I recognized O'Connell's name from his TV credits such as Queer as Folk and his Netflix series Special. His debut novel is equal parts comedic and tragic, the kind of multifaceted read that I couldn't put down.
From the outside looking in, Elliot's life seems perfect. He lives in LA with his longtime boyfriend, and he has a successful career as a writer on a TV show. Beneath the surface, however, things are beginning to crumble. Elliot suffers from cerebral palsy which causes him to walk with a persistent limp. Although mild compared to others who suffer a similar fate, the disability completely obliterates Elliot's self-image and self-esteem. That's only the beginning of Elliot's issues.
Elliot has been in a years-long monogamous relationship with his boyfriend Gus. As much as he loves Gus, Elliot can't help but feel as if he may have settled down too soon. Their evenings typically consist of watching Real Housewives and drinking way too much wine. As restlessness settles into his relationship, Elliot begins a dark spiral downward filled with sex workers, alcoholism, and drug abuse. He'll have to dig deep and find himself before his demons get the best of him.
There's an interesting dichotomy at play in Just by Looking at Him. Author Ryan O'Connell's quick wit is peppered throughout the novel, giving the work a breezy pace and light-hearted air. At the same time, O'Connell doesn't shy away from the harsh realities of infidelity, addiction, and chronic illness. This came as a bit of a shock to me at first, especially given the congenial tone that the book opens with. I'll admit that I struggled to empathize with the main character at first. Much of his troubles stem from his own actions. Graphic sex-fueled benders illustrated the trajectory to rock bottom that he seemed to be on. As the novel progressed, however, I couldn't help but identify with his journey. Queer people have historically been made to feel shame and are often forced to hide who they are for much of their early life. The act of finding yourself and coming to terms with your sexuality often happens during young adulthood. That's the journey I faced as a young gay man, and that's what's ultimately depicted in this book. Depending on your own experiences, your mileage may vary, but I don't doubt that you'll find something to latch onto with this read. Just by Looking at Him was the perfect book to pick up in honor of Pride Month.
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(2023, 31)
A lot of people go though rough patches like this as well as feeling bad about yourself for whatever reasons and if you add on to that a disability that just compounds the problems at times. So I think there are parts of this that a lot of people can relate to.
ReplyDeleteI agree. My hope is that readers, regardless of sexuality, find a way to connect to this story of finding yourself.
DeleteIt looks like by waiting you actually found the best book to celebrate Pride Month. Elliot's journey sounds like a very tough but very real one.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right. This one was worth the wait!
DeleteIt is tough seeing a character on a downward, self-destructive spiral. I happy to hear the author sprinkled in some humor to lift the story so it wasn't all dark. I'm sorry you've had to deal with feelings of shame, like the character, Ethan!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately shame is part of being a member of the LGBTQ+ community. It is why celebrating Pride Month is so important. It can take us a long time to learn to love ourselves.
DeleteThis sounds like quite a powerful portrait of a person experiencing a personal crisis. Though not everyone may turn to drugs or sex to work through their issues, I would think many could identify with the personal struggle in general.
ReplyDeleteThings definitely take a darker turn than the average Joe would probably encounter, but I think the striving for self-love is a universal theme.
DeleteAt first, reading your review, I was feeling such empathy for Elliot. But then you mentioned the infidelity and I was feeling decidedly less warm and fuzzy. In many ways it seems like Elliot is his own worst enemy.
ReplyDeleteHe really is. The ending helps him to become more endearing, but his spiraling is very much of his own making.
DeleteThanks for the heads up on this one. Like you, I try to read diversely all year, but I also like to read at least one LGBTQ book during June. I could also read this for Disability Awareness Month next year. 🙌
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