What are the ingredients that shape who we are? Identity isn't defined by a single concept or role. It’s a complex patchwork woven from the myriad elements that make us whole. Yes, it's influenced by our roles—our careers, relationships, and hobbies—but it’s also something more complex. At its heart, identity is a dynamic interplay between the internal and external. It is made from values we hold dear, the experiences that leave lasting impressions on our hearts, and the perceptions others cast upon us.
In his memoir Boy Erased, Garrard Conley delves into the struggle of reconciling a part of his identity that many wrestle with: his sexuality. While being gay has gained wider acceptance in recent years, Conley’s story reveals the painful reality that this acceptance isn't universal. His journey offers an intimate, unflinching look at what it means to navigate a world that often seeks to define and sometimes deny who we are.
As the son of a Baptist pastor in a small Southern town, Garrard Conley has been taught to see the world in absolutes: right and wrong, sin and salvation. The desires he’s kept hidden for most of his life fall firmly into the “wrong” category—or so his father’s sermons have led him to believe. When, at the age of 19, Garrard is unexpectedly outed to his deeply conservative parents, he finds himself overwhelmed by a wave of shame and disappointment. His parents, unable to reconcile their love for their son with their rigid beliefs, decide that the solution lies in steering Garrard back onto the “righteous” path.
They enroll him in a conversion therapy program designed to "cure" homosexuality. What follows is a harrowing account of Garrard’s time in the program, a place designed to strip away his identity and reshape him into someone more acceptable to those around him. Amid the manipulation and psychological abuse, Garrard fights to preserve his sense of self, questioning not only the program's teachings but the very foundations of his upbringing.
As a gay man, I recall the challenging path toward accepting that part of myself. Realizing that identity was never meant to be fixed or static was transformative. Embracing my sexuality as just one piece of the larger puzzle of my life brought a liberation I hadn’t thought possible. That sense of discovery and acceptance lies at the heart of Boy Erased. Conley’s story, while more extreme due to the strict religious beliefs of his parents, should resonate with anyone who has grappled with accepting their true self. His journey reflects that universal struggle of reconciling personal truth with societal or familial expectations, creating a narrative that feels familiar to those who have walked a similar path.
What makes Boy Erased even more impactful is its ability to extend beyond shared experiences, offering insight to those who haven’t faced this kind of internal battle. It sheds light on the challenges of acceptance and underscores the profound importance of acknowledgment—of seeing and validating someone different from yourself. This, in turn, sparks broader reflections on identity itself. Who we are isn’t confined to a single aspect or label but is a dynamic mosaic of contradictions, connections, and growth. It’s shaped by where we’ve been, who we’ve loved, and the truths we’ve dared to embrace. As life continues to shift and evolve, our most significant act of self-definition lies in summoning the courage to love and accept the rich complexities that make us who we are.
For more information, visit the author's website, Amazon, and Goodreads.
(2025, 7)
This feels like a really timely piece to read at this point in time in American politics. It's exactly the type of book I think we need to highlight and champion--and unfortunately the type of story that's all too familiar to someone who grew up in a deeply conservative area like I did.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more. We've arrived at a historical moment where our empathy will be significantly tested. Books like this are essential to remind us of our shared humanity.
DeleteThis does sound like a very emotional and powerful memoir. And a story that needs to be told.
ReplyDeleteMore timely than ever, unfortunately.
DeleteI've heard those programs were or are terrible and quite abusive. I feel bad for anyone who has had to go through them.
ReplyDeleteThey are absolutely monstrous!
DeleteBeautiful review Ethan.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteKaren beat me to that compliment LOL. I especially loved the last paragraphs. And it's great that this book can be read at multiple levels - whether you're still questioning, or you're already out, or you want to understand the journey of someone who went through such experiences.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words!
DeleteI think it's great that the book has a message that can speak to a wider audience and to those who may have shared the same struggles. Great review!
ReplyDeleteI do, too. It is so crucial for us to find that common ground and empathy.
DeleteThis sounds like a very important and powerful book. Great review!
ReplyDeleteIt is, indeed.
DeleteWell written thoughtful review as always.
ReplyDeleteA truly emotional read
Thank you!
DeleteNot sure if I'm emotionally strong enough to read this one, but requested from our library anyway.
ReplyDeleteAfter spending some time away, I think it could have been edited a bit more to make the story flow better. But the impact is undeniable.
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